To both: The Hubbys & the Lovelies!!!
Marriage should be fun. Your spouse needs to be your best friend. Laughing and giggling and joking around should be part of your relationship–because it strengthens the bond in the marriage!
When we are kids, we are always playful and having fun all the time, but when we grow up and become more mature, we somehow stop having fun together. I think this is a problem, because when we stop having fun, it has an effect on the our marital relationship; marriage becomes so “serious”
It is ever so much easier to address problems in our marriages–whether they’re related to sex, or parenting, or finances, or time, or whatever, if we also find time to play together as a couple. A couple that is laughing together is also a couple who enjoys being together, and who will find navigating all the difficulties of marriage much easier.
So today I want to focus on laughter–and laughter inspired by physical fun. Because when we have “physical” fun with our spouses, the more sexual fun often follows.
But first, the Islamic perspective!
It is Sunnah To Laugh, Play And Joke with your Spouse!!!
The Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu alaihi wassalam) used to laugh and please his wives to make them laugh as well.
Aa’isha (Radiyallhu anha) narrates:
It was the day of Eid, and the Black people were playing with shields and spears; so either I requested the Prophet (peace be upon him) or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet (peace be upon him) made me stand behind him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, “Carry on! O Bani Arfida,” till I got tired.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) asked me, “Are you satisfied (Is that sufficient for you)?” I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave. [Bukhari]
In another narration, Aa’isha (Radiyllahu anha) reported that she was with Allah’s messenger during a journey. She said, “I was not bulky, he told his companions to move forward and they did. He then told me: “come and race me”. I raced him on foot and I beat him. But, on another journey, when I became bulky, he asked me to race him. I raced him and he beat me. He started laughing and said: “This makes up for that beating”.
These narrations indicate that Rasul ullah (Salallahu alaihi wassalam) used to laugh, play, joke and have good time with his wives. Rasul ullah (Salallahu alaihi wassalam) had the greatest and most serious responsibility in the history of mankind, i.e. to convey the message of Islam to mankind, and if he can find time to play and laugh with his wives, why have we become “soooo serious” in our lives, sometimes to the extent that some of us don’t even smile at their spouses?
I found some extracts from my recently launched book, Better Love with Better Half, absolutely relevant to the topic, so I am sharing these extracts for the benefit of all of you as follows:
Playing Games with Wife (Romance):
A’isha (Radiyallahu Anha) narrated: Once, Sawda visited us and the Prophet ﷺ sat down between me and her, one leg in her lap and the other in mine. I made them Khazira (a dish of bran in meat broth) and told her: Eat! She refused. I said: ‘If you don’t eat, I will stain your face with Khazira’, but she insisted not to eat; therefore, I put my hand in Khazira and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet – peace be upon him – laughed and gave his share in Khazira to Sawda and told her, ‘Stain her face’; so, Sawda stained my face and the Prophet ﷺ laughed. Then Umar (ra) passed by and called: “O Abdullah, O Abdullah”. The Prophet ﷺ thought that he will enter so he said to us: ‘Go wash your faces’. [Reported by Albani]
[Taken from the Chapter “The Love of the Prophet ﷺ towards his wives”]
An Important Lesson from the Hadith of Jabir!
We also find recommendation to playing with spouse in the famous hadith of Jabir. I dedicated a whole chapter of my book to this hadith due to its importance to the subject and discussed 6 Lessons that we can learn from this hadith. One of the lessons is related to playing with your spouse, so here’s the relevant extract from that chapter:
Jabir b. Abdullah was the son of a famous warrior, Abdullah b. Haram. Jabir was from the Ansar, and accepted Islam as a young boy. Jabir married young – he was probably seventeen when he got married. His story is mentioned in most books of hadith, including the two Sahihs:
Jabir b. Abdullah reported that once he was on an expedition with the Prophet ﷺ, and when they were close to the city of Madinah, he sped on his mount. The Prophet ﷺ asked him why he was in such a hurry to return home. Jabir replied, “I am recently married!” The Prophet ﷺ asked, “To an older lady or a younger one?” [the Arabic could also read: “To a widow or a virgin?”], to which he replied, “A widow.” The Prophet ﷺ said, “But why didn’t you marry a younger girl, so that you could play with her, and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh, and she could make you laugh?” He said, “O Messenger of Allah! My father died a martyr at Uhud, leaving behind daughters, so I did not wish to marry a young girl like them, but rather an older one who could take care of them and look after them.” The Prophet ﷺ replied, “You have made the correct choice…”
LESSON 1: BE PLAYFUL AND ENJOY EACH OTHER
The Prophet ﷺ is encouraging Jabir (RA) to find a playful wife, and wants the both of them to enjoy each other. This clearly shows that it is one of the primary goals of a marriage that the spouses find satisfaction in each other.
The connotation of being sexually playful is clearly implied, without any direct reference. From this, and many other references, we see that the Qur’aan and Sunnah are frank about sexuality, but never vulgar. This should be our attitude and tone as well.
[Taken from the Chapter “The Hadith of Jabir”]
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ stated: “Every game a person plays is futile except for archery, training one’s horse and playing with one’s wife (foreplay and kissing)”. [Sunan Tirmidhi, Musnad Ahmad, Sunan Ibn Maajah]
The Prophet ﷺ said also: “Anything not involving the extolment of Allah is vanity or negligence except four things: exercising shooting, training the horse, playing with his family and learning swimming.” [Reported by Nasa’i]
So all of these evidences show being playful with your spouse and making him/her laugh is highly recommended in Islam and it really strengthens the bond of the relationship.
NOW THE PRACTICAL PART!
To make it easier for you and for your inspiration, I am listing some ways to play with your spouse! These aren’t necessarily sexual–although you can certainly put a sexual spin on them if you want to.
But before you launch into such “play” ideas, though, set the mood. If you want to have fun with your spouse, make sure he/she’s in the right frame of mind, and that he/she knows there’s something playful coming. Don’t just spring something on him/her when he/she’s worried about work or preoccupied. Sending texts throughout the day, lots of kissing, and laughing a lot beforehand can help in setting the mood. Once the mood is set, go for any of the following ideas:
1. Have a waterfight.
When you’re at the kitchen or bathroom sink, flick some water on your spouse. See what happens!
2. Launch a water WAR
Want to turn it up a notch? Give each other water guns, and go for it!
3. Snowball Fight
If snow is plentiful, the lovely can text the hubby and warn him to be on his guard when he gets home from work tonight. Then she can set up an ambush! And she can ask the kids to join in the fun, too! Physical play doesn’t have to exclude the kids, and having all of you laugh together while you end up breathless still is a great preview of what could happen later that night.
Of course, the couple will have to set some rules to give the lovely an advantage, such as the hubby is not allowed to use anything to stop the lovely except his body and perhaps two fingers. It will definitely make both of you laugh!
5. Pillow fight!
The lovely can ambush the hubby on his way out of the bathroom and hit him with a pillow. Then run while he goes to get one to hit her back!
6. Hit the courts
Play squash, badminton, tennis, or another racquet sport. Make the hubby play with his left hand (or right hand if he’s left-handed) to give the lovely an advantage.
7. Tickling Contest
Who will cry uncle first?
8. Turn Chores into a Game
Here’s what someone posted on a Facebook page that might give you an inspiration:
“When we change the sheets on the bed, we have a race to see who can finish putting the pillowcase on the pillow and get the pillow on the bed in its place first. We do things like hide the opponent’s pillowcase, throw pillows downstairs, grab opponent’s pillow, yank the pillowcase off and toss it in the hall, lock each in the bathroom, and wrestle each other for our own pillowcase that the other is hoarding, hiding or trying to throw out the window. Much laughter, much tickling, much running through the house and acting like children. It’s fun!”
9. Food Fight
Finally, food fight. If the lovely is cooking with her hubby, and she “accidentally” gets flour on his nose, what will he do back?
So these were some ways of physical play that can make both of you laugh and have fun with each other. There’s something about play fighting that often ends in an embrace, and that’s the beautiful part of it.
So, go ahead and experiment these ways and even use your own creativity to add your own ways of playful acts.
And for God’s sake, HAVE FUN IN YOUR MARRIAGE!!!
Irfan Ullah Khan
Happy Muslim Family
P.S. If you liked the extracts from the book, you can click hereto grab the book to get full benefit from the book!